Food For The Soul Or Not?

I have come to realize that while I was laid up with the back pain I experienced something worth writing about.

I realize that I was trapped inside my body and the grip of pain it held me in. I am a rather spiritual person and I mean that not only by my faith but with the ability I seem to have to 'connect' with others on a spiritual plain. I would rather not get into the mechanics of that here but suffice to say that is has brought incredible blessings to my life. But whilst I was in that prison of pain the spiritual side of me was numbed out. It wasn't only the pain; it was that cocktail I wrote about in my previous entry--the pain killers that helped me out of the prison also kept me in a numbed state.

But one wonders... what would I prefer if I had to face that extreme pain on a daily basis? That loss of my spiritual connection for a short time was not all that bad of a thing because once I was recovered all the channels opened up again. But it was only temporary--what if I had to live for an extended period of time without my spiritual food? What would I choose? Pain and the gift or no pain and a numbness? Coward and weak as I am, I am afraid it would be the latter.

Pain becomes a part of your being. It permeates everything. I discovered yesterday that I have lost seven pounds while going through the ordeal. Seven pounds. The pain not only drained me on a spiritual and mental level, it literally drained me in a physical way. Not that I am complaining--I could lose 10 times 7 more pounds if I had my wish but not in that way, not in that state of pain.

It would be a terrible thing to lose the gift God has given me and I would grieve. So would that make it worth it? Or would God grace the soul with a way to cope and live with the gift of the 'soul-food' that doesn't add one pound of fat. I would hope that my God would do that for me--coward and weak that I am.